New Year’s Eve gives kids plenty to joke about: fireworks, midnight, dropping the ball,
and trying to stay awake. These 44 New Year jokes also make room for resolutions,
calendars, and January 1.
Pick a section for a party, classroom warm-up, or lunchbox joke. The countdown group is
the largest; the resolution and January groups are shorter and easier to browse.
Countdown and New Year’s Eve Jokes
Q: Where did the math teacher hang out on New Year's Eve? A: Times Square.
Q: What's a cow's favorite night of the year? A: Moo Year's Eve.
Q: What should people never eat on New Year's Eve? A: Fire crackers.
Q: Why did someone sprinkle sugar on their pillow on New Year's Eve? A: They wanted to start the year with sweet dreams.
Q: Did you hear about the firecracker's New Year's Eve party? A: It was a BANG!
Q: Why did someone start fixing breakfast at midnight on December 31? A: They wanted to make a New Year's toast!
Q: What’s a cow’s favorite night of the year? A: Moo Year’s Eve.
Q: What do dogs say on New Year’s Eve? A: Woof.
Q: What did Dad say at 11:59 p.m. on New Year’s Eve? A: I promise not to make any bad jokes for the rest of the year.
Q: Why was 6 afraid of 9 on New Year’s Eve? A: Because 9 “ate” 7.
Q: Who gets the most excited about the New Year’s Eve countdown? A: Calendar companies.
Q: Why does the man who runs Time’s Square on New Year’s Eve feel like a failure? A: He always drops the ball.
Q: What group hates New Year’s Day? A: The New Year’s Eve clean-up crew.
Q: Where can you practice multiplication tables on New Year’s Eve? A: Times Square.
Q: Where can you find comedians at a New Year’s Eve party? A: In the punch line.
Q: Why do you need a jeweler on New Year’s Eve? A: To ring in the new year.
Q: Why does nobody listen to each other on New Year’s Eve? A: Because their words go in one year and out the other.
Q: Why shouldn’t you stand on your left foot during the New Year's Eve countdown? A: So you start the New Year on the right foot.
Q: Where did the chef celebrate New Year’s Eve? A: Thyme’s Square.
Q: Why did the boy bring a ruler to the countdown? A: He wanted to measure the excitement.
Q: Why should you never anger fireworks on New Year’s Eve? A: You might just set them off!
Q: What did one dog say to the other after the ball dropped at midnight? A: Nothing. Dogs can’t talk.
Q: Why should you never ask confetti for New Year’s resolution ideas? A: They are way too scattered!
Q: What do you call someone named Stephen on Dec. 31? A: New Year’s Steve!
Q: What did the kids say about the New Year’s fireworks? A: They were a blast.
New Year’s Resolution Jokes
Q: What New Year's resolution should a basketball player never make? A: To travel more.
Q: What was the caterpillar's New Year's resolution? A: To turn over a new leaf.
Q: Why should you put your new calendar in the freezer? A: To start off the new year in a cool way.
Q: What is a dog’s New Year’s resolution? A: To paws and reflect.
Q: What’s a cat’s favorite New Year’s resolution? A: To purr-sue its dreams!
Q: What was the turtle’s New Year’s resolution? A: To come out of its shell more.
Q: Why are soccer players the worst at following through with their New Year’s resolutions? A: Because they always seem to be running away from their goals!
January and New Year Wordplay
Q: What is corn's favorite day of the year? A: New Ear's Day.
Q: What do you say when you see someone after midnight on New Year's Day? A: I haven't seen you since last year!
Q: What does a ghost say on January 1? A: Happy boo year!
Q: Knock, knock. Who's there? Radio. Radio who? A: Radio not, it's a New Year.
Q: What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day? A: Hoppy New Year!
Q: What happened to the woman who stole a calendar on New Year’s Eve? A: She got 12 months!
Q: What did the girl say to her mom on New Year’s Day? A: I haven’t seen you since last year.
Q: In what year does New Year’s Day come before Christmas? A: Every year.
Q: Why do I always visit my local tire shop on New Year’s? A: So I know it will be a Goodyear.
Q: What did the cat say at midnight on January 1st? A: Happy Mew Year!
Q: What did the dog say on New Year’s Day? A: Woof, it’s been a ruff year!
Q: What was the optometrist’s favorite New Year’s celebration? A: 2020.