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How does Batman’s mother call him in for dinner?
Dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner dinner Batman!

Why wasn’t Cinderella any good at soccer?
She kept running away from the ball!

Why couldn't they play cards on the ark?
Noah was sitting on the deck!

What's green and purple and goes up and down?
Barney in an elevator!

How many ears does Davy Crockett have?
Three: a left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier!

Why did Captain Kirk go into the Ladies?
He wanted to go where no man had gone before!

What do you call James Bond in the bath?
Bubble 07!

Why didn't Superman know he could fly?
Because he didn't know his Cape Abilities!

What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
Flatman and Ribbon!

What did the policeman say to his stomach?
You're under a VEST!

Why did the police wake the child?
Because they'd heard there'd been a kid napping!

Why was the police officer under the blanket?
Because he was an under cover cop!

How many Dads does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but he has to go to the store five times
to get the right kind!

How did the farmer fix his jeans?
With a cabbage patch!

What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
Go to sweep, dear.

What do you call a boy mermaid?
A merdude!

What do firemen put in their soup?
Fire crackers!

Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Because it was feeling crummy.

What did the cowboy say when his dog left?
Doggone!

What do you call two people who embarrass you in front of your friends?
Mum and Dad!

Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop!

Why do golfers take an extra pair of socks?
In case they get a hole in one!

What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug!

What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
The dentist is taking me out today!

What man do men always take off their hats?
The barber!

Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
He wanted a clean getaway!

If Phil & Lil were a fruit, what kind would they be?
A pear!

If a man falls into an outhouse hole, how long will he be in there?
It depends on how many moons he sees!

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but the light bulb has to really want to change!

What time do you go to the dentist?
Tooth-Hurty!

hat did the dentist say to his computer?
You have a severe Megabyte!

Why did Jon go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date!

Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?
His son...he was a little Bigger!.

Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?
Because the poor didn't have any money!

Why did the man throw his pants out the window?
He heard the newspaper boy yell "Free Press"!

What do you call a funny guy whose face changes colors?
A chameleon!

Why is Santa Claus like a busy gardener?
Because all he does is HO HO HO!

What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits!

Why did the lawyer go to court in her underwear?
Because she lost her suit!

Why is Bart Simpson's Dad afraid of Mark McGuire?
Because he hits a lot of Homers!

What do you get when you cross a grandma & an octopus?
I don't know, but it sure can play Bingo!

What does Tarzan sing at Christmas?
Jungle Bells!

Why did the man run around his bed?
To catch up on his sleep!

How much does it cost for a pirate to get earrings?
A Buccaneer!

What did the pine tree say to his girlfriend?
I'm fir you!

Where does a king keep his armies?
Up his sleevies!

What does an agnostic, dyslexic insomniac do at night?
Lie awake and wonder if there really is a dog!

What did George Washington, Abraham Lincoln & Christopher Columbus all have in common?
They were all born on holidays!

Three people were standing under an umbrella...which one got wet?
None of them, it wasn't raining!

What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the frog have in common?
The same middle name!

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can HO HO HO!

What did Snow White say while she waited for her photos?
Someday my prints will come!

Why do Eskimo’s do their laundry in Tide?
Because it’s too cold out "tide"!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish!

Why did the boy tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills!

Why did Freddy throw the clock out of the window?
 Because he wanted to see time fly!

What kind of bed does a mermaid sleep in?
A water bed!

What do you call a man who crosses a river twice & doesn't take a bath?
A dirty double crosser!

The turtle took two chocolates to Texas, to teach Thomas to tie his
shoes. How many "Ts" in that?
There are 2 "Ts" in "THAT!

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